The New York Times says Kate Middleton’s cancer announcement was never going to be easy
How to Talk to Kids About Cancer Diagnosis in the Family: A Case Study of a Cancer Patient in the Dana-Farber Family
Farrell said that it’s okay if you look a little scared or sad. “Kids need to know it’s OK to have those feelings, that this is a hard situation.”
She suggested saying: I’m a little scared about this too. It makes me sad that we can be scared together, it’s ok to be scared. You are going to be fine, I know that.
Farrell said that if a child asks if you will die from this, the impulse is to say, ” absolutely not!” But this could breach the trust between a parent and their child.
Farrell says that children should always have a sense of trust in their parent. They should not feel left out and not important to the family or not told what’s happening.
She told parents to say that we are going to check in and keep an eye on it. We are still a family, we are going to be the same family and we are in a tough spot, but we are going to get through it.
Farrell says to then give the child some space to react, to sit back and ask “What questions do you have?,” and to ensure them they can come back with any extra questions they may have in the future.
Elizabeth Farrell, a clinical social worker with the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, says that a lot of caregivers’ first instinct may be to choose not to tell their children, hoping to protect them. But she says that children have a right to know, especially in the early days of a diagnosis when there may be a flurry of activity at home — seeking doctors’ counsel, going to a lot of appointments, making many phone calls — and children are very likely sensing a change in the environment.
Source: How to talk to kids about a cancer diagnosis in the family
What Happened to Catherine, Princess of Wales, last Friday: What Happens When You Get Your Doctor’s Letter from an Aunt or a Grandparent?
She suggests saying something along the lines of: You may have noticed that things are a little weird around here recently. I’ve been gone a lot, I’ve been in appointments, I’m on the phone more than I normally am and I wanted to tell you why that is.
She also says that it is important for the child to be aware that the information they get from the Internet is limited and should not be used as a basis for decision making.
She encourages adults and children to choose a comfortable space in the home rather than in a place where children might not feel like they are able to respond in the way they wish.
“Most importantly, it has taken us time to explain everything to George, Charlotte and Louis in a way that’s appropriate to them and to reassure them that I’m going to be OK,” she said.
Catherine is young — 42 years old, the same age as me — and the fact that she has cancer of any kind is terrifying, whatever that cancer might be. I wanted to learn more even though the questions can’t be answered right now. When I care for someone who has been diagnosed with something catastrophic, I often dig into the chart to understand how the story began. I think that knowing the details will give me reassurance that I don’t need to worry about being vulnerable. We find ourselves drawn to the realities that we fear.
I found myself thinking about this on Friday, when Catherine, Princess of Wales, made her cancer diagnosis public in a video. She didn’t reveal the types of cancer she had or the type of surgery she underwent in order to fight it. She spoke broadly of cancer, of the chemotherapy she was now being treated with and of her family. That’s what made the internet get crazy with rampant speculation just like it had for so many weeks before, when people were looking to find out what happened to her.
Elizabeth Farrell, a social worker with the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, said, “If a child asks if you’ll die from this, the impulse is to say, ‘Absolutely not!'” She added, “This could breach the trust between a parent and their child.” Farrell said, “Parents should always have a sense of trust in their parent.” She told parents to say they’re going to check in.